Humor

Our Military Sensitivity Training

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 01:59:30 GMT

Marine Corps Rules: 1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 3. Have a plan. 4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4. 7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 8. ...

No.................. just....................No!

ShadowGryphon — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:32:58 GMT

Really Awkward Car Commercial Slogan - Watch more free videos

For those supporting Obama I present ........... Change

ShadowGryphon — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 22:51:34 GMT

In just 1 1/2 years. Remember the election in 2006? Thought you might like to read the following :: A little over one year ago: 1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high; 2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon; 3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%. Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen: 1) Consumer confidence plummet; 2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over almost $4 a gallon; 3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase); 4) ...

A lesson in observation and stupidity

ShadowGryphon — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 22:41:26 GMT

First-year students at Auburn University were attending their first lecture in a classroom, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a Doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and ...

Nosy dog let loose in a park (got to watch this LOL)

ShadowGryphon — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:09:45 GMT

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Frisky Dog Let Loose In Park - Watch more free videos

Retaliation

ShadowGryphon — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:23:48 GMT

An American is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread?" American (in a bad mood): "Of course." Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle ...

COYOTES!!!!!

ShadowGryphon — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:20:55 GMT

Last year, the Sierra Club and the United States Forest Service (USFS) were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seemed that, after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a 'more humane' solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males ...

British speed trap

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:20:38 GMT

Don't know if this is true....... but it's damned funny. Gryph Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A-1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. ...

Fire Truck!

Shiiny — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:20:10 GMT

Mans tools

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:16:24 GMT

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the ...

humorous facts

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 22:06:14 GMT

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A ...

Cardiologist's Funeral

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:31:03 GMT

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral.........I'm a gynecologist.' The proctologist fainted!

The Defective Parrot

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:21:51 GMT

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn ' t have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ' Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot? ' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me!' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this -- how ...

BLIND MAN IN A BIKER BAR

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:05:38 GMT

A blind man wanders into an all Girls Biker Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, given that you're blind, that you should know five things: 1) The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball ...

Nominated as the world's best short joke of the year.

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:03:46 GMT

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.

'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'

'Not yet,' she replied.

A pilot goes to heaven

ShadowGryphon — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 21:01:48 GMT

So... this old pilot dies and is met at the pearly gates by St. Peter. "OH! I see you were a pilot", says St. Peter... "Follow me." St. Peter takes the pilot to a beautiful celestial airport with perfect smooth runways of all descriptions and hangar after hangar filled with the most wonderful aircraft ever made. "The keys are in them, fly anything you want. Fuel is no issue, they don't ever run out". Then he takes him over to a classy little joint at the ...